Human
beings are a kaleidoscope of emotions. Our actions and words are propelled by
the feelings we experience. When people fall in love, they are simply reacting
to a feeling kindled by the sight of an external object or subject. For human
beings, nothing happens by chance, there is always cause and effect, action and
reaction. While expressing love and happiness comes naturally to some, many
find it challenging to admit to or accept the emotion of jealousy they sense or
have for those close to them – be it a friend, sibling, or family member.
The
fear of admitting jealousy stems from the belief that it is unhealthy to feel
envious of someone seemingly doing better than oneself. We often hesitate to
acknowledge this emotion, assuming it reflects poorly on our character. We
believe “true friends” aren’t even supposed to feel jealous at all, that they
should always cheer up their friends (true) and support them along the way
(true again). But I ask, why is it normal to feel and also express emotions
such as love, anger, fear, uncertainty, yet, when it comes to jealousy, we
think we’ve crossed the line? Don’t we think that like anger, joy, fear, etc.,
jealousy is also an emotion which imbibes in all of us, yet we constantly deny
this emotion because, as previously mentioned, even acknowledging it would mean
you’re a bad person?
But
is jealousy truly as malevolent as society portrays it? Even though we all feel
it and yet deny its existence in us vehemently while readily acknowledging it
in others, it is as harmless as the air we breathe. Like everything that exists
in nature, jealousy is a normal part of our emotional spectrum, that is until
we lose control over it. Just like eating is good but when one constantly
overeats without self-control, it becomes gluttony – a bad thing. An act of jealousy also becomes problematic when
an individual, lacking in self-control, allows themselves to be consumed by it,
hence prompting the individual into hurting the subject of their jealousy. Jealousy,
in itself, is harmless while unrestrained jealousy which morphs into envy isn’t.
Just as it is with fear, everyone feels it, and one who has no control over their fear is called a coward, while the one who is in control is called brave. There is a thin line between bravery and cowardice, same thing with jealousy and envy. I think the cure here is to be self-aware at all times, for that, I think, is the key to self-control. Truthfully scrutinizing oneself deep from within, and really knowing oneself and what one is capable of doing at any moment in time under the worse of situations is also very vital, because blatantly denying you feel jealousy is the first step towards your downward spiral into envy. When you deny what is true, you’ve at that moment, imbibed in your being a Dr. Jekyll and a Mr. Hyde persona – the real person we know and a hideous monster capable of unspeakable deeds which we aren’t aware of. When we embrace the reality that jealousy is inherent in us and not only in people that we dislike, and also accepting it as a fact of life, I think we can be able to put a cap over it and prevent it from overflowing into envy.
Jealousy is necessary, for it is the number one driving force for personal development. What other way can we really tell that someone is doing better than us if we don’t compare our lives to theirs? When we compare, we covet, and then we get jealous; and because we’re aware of the feeling of jealousy, it becomes a motivation in our attempt to be better. But when we deny that feeling of jealousy and refuse to accept that we are capable of it, we begin to think they maybe the individual we are jealous of do not deserve their success and that life is probably unfair to us because that individual exists. So, we become envious and try to physically hurt them for our own amusement. Wisdom as the holy bible says (and I paraphrase) is profitable to direct, and the first step is acceptance; the second is being comfortable in being jealous, because, believe it or not, it is good for the soul.
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